At First Glance
by Max7
Summary: His eyes drifted from the duelers and over to the woman who entered his mind more than he was comfortable with. They worked together, and he didn't need personal emotions to interfere. He had determined that from the beginning. Little did he know that it wasn't anger or resentment that might stand in the way. "Commander?" Cullen/Femquisitor story. Set at the beginning of Inquistion
1. 00: Fashionably Late

_Hey guys! Been a long time. (: First Dragon Age fanfiction I've ever finished, so I decided to post it and see what you guys think._

 _I got the idea from the story after beating Inqusition and going through the entire Cullen/Femquisitor romance. I was hooked. It was by far my favorite out of all Dragon Age games (so far) but I still wanted more. I can't get enough of Cullen, and admittedly, I never have been able to, so I decided to start from the beginning and add more. I feel like Bioware did better than they ever have with the relationships, but they were still missing some things._

 _I was just so hooked and addicted to Cullen/Femquisitor stuff that I had to write more. 3 I hope you guys enjoy my take on it! I tried to make it unique, a story on its own, but there are some elements from the game that I couldn't get around without completely changing everything. So forgive me for that! I did my best to pull it all from my head, but with fanfictions, you can't 100% do that._

 _Hehe. I'll shut up now and let you guys read . . . and I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think? (: I'm gonna post often because, as I said, this is the first Dragon Age fanfiction I've ever finished. From start to finish. The sequel isn't finished, but who knows? Maybe no one will even like this story, and no one will care if there's a sequel._

 _. . . read and enjoy, everyone! (:_

* * *

The war room was too quiet for anyone's taste. Cullen continued staring at the map of Thedas spread across the large war room table, hoping it would somehow make the wait go by faster, but it was to no avail.

Where was she? Surely _someone_ informed her that Cassandra was waiting for her in the war room. How could she have gotten lost? How could she not know? Cassandra told everyone.

It had been at least an hour since anyone had seen her. After hanging the Inquisition's flag and informing the small amount of followers they currently had that the Inquisition had now officially begun, they hadn't seen her at all. Surely she understood Cassandra meant to meet soon.

Cullen wasn't the only one uncomfortable with the waiting. Leliana looked a bit miffed while Josephine tried to keep the wax from her melting candle off her papers. Cassandra kept a constant check on the door, as if looking at it would make her appear any sooner.

Cassandra and Leliana at least knew what to look for. While Cullen had stood near her, he hadn't really _seen_. His mind was trying to process all the various things that were going on around them, trying to prepare himself to work alongside a mage without judgment. He knew it would be hard, but letting his emotions get the better of him would end in disaster.

Where on earth was she, though?

Cullen glanced over at Cassandra and just watched as the Seeker's eyes tightened. He found Cassandra to be interesting, to say the least. While still a part of the Order, he had been taught to fear Seekers, but she certainly wasn't frightening. At least not to him. Anyone who stood in the Inquisition's way should probably be frightened, but Cullen wasn't.

"Maybe we should send for her," Josephine said, out of nowhere. The silence that had filled the air hadn't really bothered Cullen. He was used to silence, but clearly Josephine was not. She seemed on edge the more silence went on. "I-I mean, something may have happened, after all."

Cassandra shook her head. "If something had happened, we would've heard. I do not know what is keeping her. Perhaps I should—"

The doors of the war room slammed open, and in came the Herald herself. Cullen was immediately taken back by what he saw. How exactly had he not seen before? Black curls fell loose around her perfectly shaped face, accenting her porcelain skin in a way he found adorable. Her wide eyes were a mystery themselves, a ring of bright purple surrounding a bright blue Cullen had never seen in a person's eyes.

Leliana and Josephine talked of her beauty, but words simply did not do her justice.

Cullen found himself unable to say anything as the small mage frantically closed the doors behind herself and tried to catch her breath.

She nervously tucked her curls behind her ears and sheepishly looked at each person in the room. "I am so sorry to keep you waiting."

She had a very gentle voice, one Cullen found soothing. Even if she had a horrible reason for keeping them waiting, Cullen couldn't find it in himself to be upset with her. She was just so charming, in an absolutely captivating way.

It didn't register in his mind at all that she _was_ a mage. Normally, he had to think past that in order to talk to mages, but it wasn't like that with her. She was just like anyone else to him.

Well, she was like no one else to him, but certainly not a mage.

"What kept you?" Cassandra asked. "Is everything alright?"

Her pale cheeks were the color of a rose as she continued to breathe heavily, and Cullen couldn't peel his eyes away. "Yes. Now. I am so sorry. A man was attacked by a druffalo and needed a healer, and I think I made things worse trying. So I found Solas, who helped until someone could get Adan, but he didn't have the potions he needed. So I went out to find some elfroot, and on my way out, the quartermaster asked if I found some iron to bring it back for our soldiers. Honestly, the idea of having so many soldiers equipped with anything less than the best frightened me, so I gathered as much iron and elfroot as I could carry. Then I found a logging stand, and—"

"Wait just a moment," Leliana interrupted, and as it had with Cullen, all irritation with the wait disappeared. "You were supplying our soldiers?"

Her beautiful eyes met Leliana's, and she nervously nodded. "As best I could for the area. I'm sure I'll be able to do better other places, but I did what I could."

Cassandra raised one eyebrow. "And the man who needed healing?"

"He's better," she murmured. "Adan says he now has what he needs to help more, so he's . . . not so cranky."

Cullen didn't realize he was smiling until his smile widened, and then, he was surprised. He hadn't remembered a time where someone could make him smile so easily, but he felt _good_.

She was definitely a marvel, in more ways than Cassandra even realized.

"I can't believe someone actually got the man to stop complaining," Cullen managed to laugh, and everyone in the room looked as surprised as he felt.

Except the Herald . . . she knew nothing of him, did she? Her bright eyes landed on his in wonder, and a light Cullen had never seen in someone's eyes seemed to be shining brightly in his direction. She looked _curious_ , but more than that, she looked happy.

"Well," she murmured. "Lessen his complaints anyways."

Cullen was absolutely amazed, and he couldn't understand _why_. Yes, this was probably the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, but it had nothing to do with her beauty.

Everything about her was light. She was everything the Inquisition needed her to be—a beacon of light with a heart that pulled her to help anyone and everyone any way she could. He didn't need to speak with her more to figure this out. He could just tell.

And he knew she was exactly what they needed. Maybe even . . . no, he didn't need anything more.

"We should get to business, now that you are here," Cassandra said, and with a gesture of her hand, the Herald stepped closer to the table. "We must discuss how to seal the Breach."


	2. 01: Self Doubt

Why would she ask such a question?

Cullen rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, barely remembering to keep his eyes on the dueling recruits in front of him. It was a fight to end the basic level of training for the two, and he _needed_ to focus. After all, if they weren't ready, and he declared them to be . . . .

But _why_?

Standing twenty feet away from him, speaking with Cassandra, Cullen needed to know why the unusually cheerful woman asked such a question.

Swords continued clashing together, the metal making sounds Cullen heard in his sleep sometimes. Commanding an army made that pretty much inevitable.

His eyes drifted from the duelers and over to the woman who entered his mind more than he was comfortable with. They worked together, and he didn't need personal emotions to interfere. He had determined that from the beginning.

Little did he know that it wasn't anger or resentment that might stand in the way.

"Commander?"

Cullen didn't even glance at the Lieutenant standing beside him, undoubtedly realizing that his attention had drifted. "They have decent form, but they still aren't putting enough vigor into it. I think we need to let them fight against something that actually wants to kill them."

"Like what, Ser?"

Cullen was able to peel his eyes away from the woman and looked out towards the wilderness. "Have them fight some of the wild druffalo. They'll fight back enough to show them what a real fight is like."

"Yes, Commander."

Cullen didn't let his gaze wander from his recruits as his lieutenant gave the orders. Both followed obediently, and the others continued with their training as if nothing had happened.

Something _had_ happened, at least to Cullen.

 _Why_ would she ask such a question? Did it matter?

* * *

Cullen had become obsessed.

Beyond obsessed.

It was a problem.

With one addiction already tying him down, he did not need another and made it a point to avoid seeing her. It physically hurt him to be away from her, but he needed to be in his top mindset in order to command the troops as he was asked to do.

Suffering had become a part of his life. He was used to suffering, so it was easier to focus around suffering than it was to focus around his obsession.

Obsession _s_ he should say, but oddly enough, his addiction to lyrium was easier to ignore.

"Commander?"

Cullen nearly jumped out of his armor at the sound of her voice behind him. His fists clenched as the corners of his eyes tightened, but he didn't turn. Only continued to watch as the twilight shifted to night.

"Was there something you needed?" he asked, before she could see the way his body tensed.

"I . . . wanted to speak with you about the mages," she whispered, but Cullen could hear her hesitance. "About . . . mages."

"I still think the Templars are the best option," Cullen said immediately. He kept his gaze where it was and tried to empty himself of any emotion, but his heart was beating wildly in his chest. So wildly he could feel it in his fingertips. "Not only is the plan to get the mages risky, it just doesn't seem worth it to me. If you're insistent on allowing the mages to stay, do not do so blindly. They must be kept a watch on."

He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that she was _willing_ to be bait in a plan that might not even work. Why?

She took a deep breath and stepped beside him, and Cullen couldn't breathe. "I will do my best . . . . Do you hate me?"

Cullen was so surprised by this question that it knocked what little air he had left in his lungs out. He remembered how to breathe around her, and he looked to her for the first time since she appeared. "Of course not, Herald. Why would you think that?"

Her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth, and Cullen was captured into her spell all over again . . . the spell she was blissfully oblivious to. She had _no idea_ that she held so much power over him, and that was both upsetting and relieving to him. If she knew, what would happen?

How could she not realize, though? It wasn't like he was the best at hiding it.

"You . . . don't like mages," she said.

Cullen shook his head. "I want to protect them. I used to fear magic, but I've learned to move past that. With the Veil torn open as it is, mages need to be safe as well."

"You don't trust them."

"It's hard to trust something that could so easily create chaos just like this," Cullen sighed. "I try to let go of that, but with things as they are, it isn't easy."

She purposely kept her gaze low, as if to avoid his own. "Does that include me?"

"No."

His answer was so immediate that it surprised her, enough she _had_ to look at him in order to see why it was such a quick answer.

His eyes were swimming with emotions she couldn't read, but she didn't mind trying. Those honey brown eyes were delightful to stare into, and she wondered how long it would take for him to look away.

She had grown fond of the Commander for reasons some may never understand. He had done horrible things to people just like her, without cause, but horrible things had been done to him by people just like her, without cause. He was scarred and lashed out, but that didn't make him evil.

Though his methods weren't right, his intentions were good. She didn't hold him accountable the ways he held himself accountable.

She wanted to get to know him more, to make him feel less pain about the things that had happened to him. From the moment she learned that mages had done something to him, she decided she would make him see the good side of mages, show him that good mages actually existed.

And it had become her fixation. _He_ had become her fixation, yet he seemed to avoid her. Whenever summoned to the war room, he was very brief and spoke in short sentences. His eyes would never meet hers, and he would be the first out of the room. The others noticed how strange it was, but Cullen had always done strange things.

With his distaste for mages, she couldn't help but wonder if it was because of her.

She didn't realize that it was because of her, but not because she was a mage.

"Then why have you—?"

"Things have been busy," Cullen interrupted, before she could get her question out. "I've been in a rush lately. We're not sure what'll happen when you close the Breach, so I must get these soldiers prepared."

She shook her head. "We've all been busy, Commander. It seems like you make it a point to avoid _me_."

Cullen let out a breath. "I'm sorry if it seems that way, Herald, but . . . it isn't you."

He wondered if he sounded convincing, but maybe because of his uncertainty, he did. Truth was, he didn't know if it was her or him. It was _his_ obsession that caused him to act that way, but it was his obsession with _her_. So it was tough for him to say.

She almost believed him but noticed the way he looked away, at anything else. "Are you sure?"

Cullen sighed. "Of course."

"If there's something I did, I'm really very so—"

Cullen couldn't believe this. He was acting like a jerk, and she was preparing to apologize for it? It just went to prove the point he knew the moment he heard her speak. She was good, inside and out, and everything about her was beautiful. She was everything the Inquisition needed.

"Please don't." Cullen's voice came out as a whisper, but she heard him. "I cannot bear the thought of you apologizing because of me."

"What do you mean?"

Cullen shook his head and turned away from the sunset, turned away from her. "I'm sorry, Herald. I should get back inside. I'm sorry for any confusion or trouble I have caused, but you have done nothing wrong. It has nothing to do with your magic."

As she stood there, staring after him with a look of raw pain that broke Cullen's heart, he knew he could no longer hide from her. Somehow or another, he would have to allow himself to be near her without letting her get too close.

He would have to get ahold of his obsession. Once he could do that, maybe he would be able to get ahold of them both.

Only then could he truly be the leader the Inquisition needed.


	3. 02: A Too Soon Celebration

Something didn't feel right.

As I stood outside the Chantry in Haven, overlooking the people as they danced and celebrated the large victory, my stomach churned.

Maybe it was paranoia, but something felt wrong.

We had helped the mages escape the grasps of both the Venatori and the Elder One, but what about the Templars? There was something very wrong with Lord Seeker Lucius, and maybe I couldn't rest until we figured out what exactly.

My eyes scanned the area for my companions I had grown closer to, and I found them all in places of their own. Varric, nestled by his campfire drinking some of the finer ale we had here, was reading some papers in his hand with a smile on his face.

Maybe it was a letter from friends, or family. With Varric, it was hard to say.

Blackwall and the Iron Bull were both in different places than usual, both of them heading towards the tavern with huge smiles on their faces. Of course, Bull had his entire mercenary band behind him, but they both looked happy for once. That wasn't so unusual for Bull, but Blackwall had a way of letting the worst things get the better of him.

Vivienne stood over the mages, watching with a scornful eye to make sure no one thought twice about taking their freedom too far. She had no problems expressing her distaste with my decision to allow them freedom, but she knew better than to challenge my decision and left it at distaste.

Solas was watching from a distance, as I had noticed he liked to do. Living on his own as he had, it was no surprise that he preferred to stay that way. His experience and knowledge came from somewhere outside of reality, so living in reality always proved to be a challenge for him. Sometimes, the things he said and did just made people feel out of place.

I couldn't see Sera, but I didn't have to see Sera to know where she was. Her most comfortable spot was inside the tavern, with the "little people" as they no doubt celebrated more loudly and vibrantly than even the people outside.

Dorian was still inside the Chantry, no doubt looking for the Commander. He had a fascination with the Commander that might make me uncomfortable in other circumstances—irritated at best, furious at worst. Dorian hadn't said anything about enjoying the company of men, but he was quite taken with the Commander.

He wasn't the only one, but at least I had a shot . . . or a better shot than Dorian, since I had the right . . . parts.

Speaking of the Commander.

Cullen stood apart from everyone, but he wasn't isolating himself. He mostly enjoyed seeing the way his men and women celebrated their victory. Some celebrations were over the top, but some were just wonderful to see.

Didn't make me feel any better about it, but . . . .

He leaned against the wall, and my gaze locked on him in an instant. His armor was elaborate, decorated in cloths and feathers as I had never seen on anyone's armor before. Nothing was over the top, and if anything, he looked fierce. Like a lion . . . which was fitting, since his helmet was forged into the shape of a lion.

Almost as if he could sense I was watching him, his gaze turned up towards me, and I was quick to continue scanning the crowd.

How many times had this happened? Surely by now he knew I enjoyed staring at him.

Who wouldn't? He was just so handsome, and his reserved personality made him a mystery. Handsome, mysterious, charming when he wanted to be; what was bad about him?

I noticed him push himself off the wall and take the first step in my direction, but my attention was quickly averted away from him as Cassandra came to stand beside me.

On her face was an unusually cheerful smirk, and I was curious about it. Curious enough I was able to temporarily put the Commander in the back of my mind.

"We did it," she said, the words rolling off her tongue in that thick Nevarran accent.

My eyebrows furrowed, and I refocused on the anxiety churning around in my stomach. "Did we? I feel like there's more we could've done."

"There's always more to be done," Cassandra agreed. "But we must take the victories where they come. This was a victory of alliance, one of the few in recent memory. You did it."

" _We_ did it," I disagreed, and I gestured out towards the people celebrating. "I didn't do this alone. You know that."

"Maybe not, but you were the one who helped us get here," she said. "Without you, without the mark, none of this would've been possible."

I looked down to my left hand, and as usual when I paid it any attention, the mark began to spark and crackle with the green light that fell from it. It had been here for around a month now, but that didn't make it any easier to grow accustomed to. Sometimes, it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that it wasn't just me using magic.

"I can't take credit for doing what was asked of me," I whispered, and I let my hand fall to my side. "I—"

When the Commander took off running, my heart nearly fell out of my chest. When things were okay, he didn't wear his helmet, but on his way towards the gates, he made sure to grab ahold of his helmet.

Just moments after he ran, the alarm bells began ringing. The celebrations halted immediately, and panic set in. The people who had been cheerful were now terrified, and the ones who were only here as refugees didn't know what to do.

Our soldiers quickly ran to grab their weapons, and I was impressed with how quickly they jumped into action. If there was one thing that could be said, it was that our Commander had our soldiers well trained.

Cassandra's eyes widened, and she looked out towards the mountain. Torches from many people lit up the side of the mountains, showing an army we were not ready to face.

Who was here?

I took off running after the Commander, hoping for some answers, but as we reached the gates—Cassandra right on my tail—I realized he knew barely more than we did.

She was the only one who could get any words out to ask. I just couldn't find it in me to say anything to him.

"Cullen?"

"We've got one watch guard reporting," he said, and he sent a brief glance my way. "It's a massive force, the bulk over the mountain."

I didn't know where Leliana and Josephine came from, but as I took a step towards the closed gates, they appeared beside the Commander.

"Under what banner?" Josephine demanded.

This question seemed to trouble him because he simply looked at her with a furrowed brow and discomfort in his eyes. "None."

Josephine looked just as alarmed as he was now, though I think she was relieved that it was no banner she knew. "None?!"

I could feel many sets of eyes on me, but I didn't glance to see just who it was. My gaze was set on the gates in front of me, and my feet took me closer before I could actually make myself move.

Out of nowhere, someone began knocking.

"I can't come in unless you open!"

The voice was a male's, a young man if I had to guess. He sounded frightened, which I hardly blamed him for, so I grabbed the doors of the gates immediately.

The others seemed more hesitant to open the gates, but if someone was in trouble, it was our duty to protect them and helpthem.

What I saw wasn't a young man, but many bodies and one soldier dressed in thick armor standing upright. Just as I reached for my staff, however, a dagger pierced through his back, and the man fell to the ground with the others.

The young man was the one to stab him, but his face was hidden by the large hat he wore. It was hideous, and I couldn't for the life of me understand why he would wear something like that. As I observed him, everything he wore looked as tattered as the hat.

As I took off for the boy, someone followed behind me. One brief glance behind me, I found comfort in the fact that it was the Commander with his helmet on and sword drawn. Whatever was going on, we would protect these people.

"I'm Cole," the boy said, and I saw a glimpse of his face. Blue eyes, long blonde hair, the boy looked exhausted and sickly even. "I came to warn you." He sucked in a breath and closed the distance between us with one large step. "To help. People are coming to hurt you, but you probably already know."

"What's going on, Cole?" I murmured, but I could feel the Commander's hand gently pulling me back. "Who's coming?"

Cole looked very sinister as he peered at me from underneath the hat, but I wasn't afraid of him—only whatever he had to say. "The Templars are coming to kill you."

"The Templars?!" the Commander barked, something that scared Cole and me both, though only Cole jumped at the sound of his outrage. "Is this the Order's response to our talks with the mages? Attacking blindly?"

"The red Templars went to the Elder One," Cole said, and he looked back to me. "You know him? He knows you." He leaned in really close to get a better look at me. "You took his mages. There." And he turned back away from me, pointing up towards the top of the mountain to reveal two people standing on a ledge above the rest of the army.

Those two people were . . . horrifying. One was a man too far away to see, but he looked to be in a lot of armor. The other stood much taller than him, too frightening to miss. This was no man, only the remnants of what used to be a man twisted into something much more sinister. From where we stood, or maybe even up close, it was impossible to say just what he was.

I was frightened, so frightened I couldn't really move for a few moments.

"He's very angry that you took his mages."

Finding strength within myself, I turned to the Commander with wide eyes. "Commander, please tell me you have a plan. Anything!"

"This is no fortress," the Commander said, but his voice was much softer than before. "We cannot win this battle if we don't control it. Hit that force with everything we've got. Use anything you can." He gestured towards the trebuchets in the distance. "And be careful."

The last sentence was a whisper, something so soft I barely heard it at all. But I heard it, and I was stunned for a moment.

He didn't really give me time to question, time to analyze anything. While I froze, he pulled his sword out and turned towards the army that had gathered behind him. "Mages, you have sanction to engage them. That is Samson. He won't make it easy. Inquisition, with the Herald! For your lives! For all of us!"

The army yelled out in agreement from behind him as he pointed his sword out to the approaching army, and I took that as my signal to head for the trebuchets. With Bull, Varric, and Dorian behind me, I felt a bit safer heading right into the face of danger.

At least a bit.

The first trebuchet was already manned, but the Templar forces were surrounding the woman trying to aim it. We were able to pretty easily take them down, and she was able to fire her trebuchet where she was instructed to do so.

The second trebuchet had no one on it, so since I knew where to aim it, I ran towards it to man it myself. With just the right location, there was a way to at least slow the army down. It wouldn't stop it, not by any means, but maybe, just maybe, it would slow them down enough that we could get everyone to safety, maybe even out of Haven.

The moment I began turning the aiming wheel, a large Templar force approached us.


	4. 03: Personal Sacrifice

The first soldier charged after me without glancing back at the others, and I used the blade at the end of my staff to take him out quickly. Right through his face, to be exact. If there was one thing I learned from watching our soldiers, it was that if nothing else works, the armor on the face is the weakest.

While I struggled to pull my staff out of his face as his body fell towards the ground and twisted the blade deep within his corpse, others began approaching. My companions were helping to protect me, but they seemed to be coming right for me.

I used my hand and created a shock spell that stunned them enough to give me time to force the blade out. Without my staff, I wasn't as powerful, but with it, I stood a chance against them.

Fire and lightning were my strongest elements, but with the help of Vivienne, I had learned to create a wall of ice to surround myself with. At least until they were able to break it down.

In order to aim the trebuchet quickly, that was what I had to do. It took a lot out of me, but with a few moments to recuperate, I would be just fine.

Turning the aiming wheel of the trebuchet was hard. It was pretty heavy, but I wasn't completely weak. Though I was no warrior, I still had enough strength to turn the wheel.

Getting it aimed just right took time, time the red Templar soldiers didn't plan to give me. I hadn't realized red lyrium had such profound effects on the Templars' bodies, but it was disturbing to see. Some had red lyrium growing out of them while others had a red haze lingering around their body—similar to how Varric and the Iron Bull looked in that horrible future Dorian and I had been sucked into.

And then the scariest ones . . . they looked like abominations, but they weren't. They were Templars who had taken so much red lyrium that it not only changed them, it grew out of them in disgusting and horrifying ways.

One of the horrors smashed through my ice wall without hesitation, and I had to take a few steps away from him to have a chance at fighting him. Using my strongest fire and lightning spells against him, he continued stepping for me. On fire as his body convulsed, he was able to power through it so he could kill me.

Red lyrium was a nightmare.

The only chance I had to save myself was by using the blade at the end of my staff, and it was still almost ineffective. It took stabbing through where his head was located three times before he finally fell. I wasn't even sure if it was because of the stabbing or if the magic had finally taken a toll on him.

Either way, I had to muster up enough energy to make a bigger ice wall this time, and I prayed it would be enough. All I had to do was get the trebuchet aimed, and the rest would fall into place.

When I heard the fighting cease around me, just moments before the trebuchet was in place, I felt a bit safer. None of us were safe, but I almost felt like I was. I wasn't so afraid, for the moment.

With the trebuchet aimed, I fired it towards the mountains. A rock engulfed in flames headed straight for the side of the mountain, and on impact, snow immediately began to slide. The army still marching over the mountain was swallowed up by the sudden avalanche. Those who had yet to get to the mountain were _definitely_ slowed down, and I knew this was our chance for control.

Until a rather frightening looking dragon appeared . . . and then, I realized that we had no idea what we were truly up against.

The dragon took out the first trebuchet, killing any soldiers standing around it, and I knew better than to stand next to mine. Lowering the ice wall, I jumped as far as I could off of the platform, but it wasn't enough. The dragon shattered mine with a single blast of the strange red lightning that came from its mouth.

My ears were ringing. Everything hurt, but I was able to stand to my feet. Admittedly, I was a bit staggered, but with the help of Dorian, I was able to get settled on my feet enough to walk and speak.

The Iron Bull looked angry. "Oh, that's messed up!"

It wasn't the time for anger, however. With that beast around, we would all be dead if we didn't get to safety soon.

The Commander would have a plan. He always did.

"Everyone, to the gates!"

The soldiers around me followed my orders, and my companions did the same. We ran as fast as we could, but the dragon continued to soar above our heads. Growling and hissing as it did, it made sure we didn't forget that it was there.

I had never been more afraid in my life, but I used that fear to push me forward.

At the sight of Cullen ushering people inside the gates, my fear subsided, and I felt reassurance. Yes, this plan hadn't gone as it was supposed to, but we would come up with another. Everything would be alright.

The last of the soldiers ran in before me, so once we got inside, the gates could close.

The Commander looked relieved to see us as we rushed through the gates, and once we were inside, he and another soldier slammed the gates shut.

"We need everyone back to the Chantry!" he exclaimed, and he began rushing up the stairs. I was hesitant at the bottom, mostly because his relief changed so quickly into something more frightening . . . submission. "It's the only building that can hold against that beast! At this point, make them work for it."

All air in my lungs became useless, but there was no room for anymore. Choking on his words, something he didn't even notice as he ran to get others into the Chantry, I was afraid all over again.

Were we doomed? Was there no way out?

Dorian growled. "No! Let's get to the Chantry."

"I hear someone calling for help!" Varric exclaimed suddenly, and though I didn't hear it, I wasn't going to dare argue with him. "Come on!"

The four of us ran up the stairs, and fueled by adrenaline, I was able to shut the fear out and breathe again. There had to be another way, and if there wasn't, we were gonna make one hell of a last stand. We would go down in flames.

The first person I saw when ascending the stairs was the Templar, Lysette. She was surrounded by red Templars, fighting to the best of her ability, so I knew we had to help her. It was easy enough to take out the Templars surrounding her, but when the fighting settled, more cries for help could be heard.

I took off running towards the tavern, barely even glancing over my shoulder to tell Lysette where to go. "Get to the Chantry! You'll be safe there."

The Iron Bull, Varric, and Dorian were right on my tail. Together, we could save these people.

I saw Minaeve trapped underneath a burning wagon right next to some oil drums. It was only a matter of time before they exploded, but there were three people who needed help.

"Bull, help Adan!" I exclaimed, gesturing to the man trapped inside a burning building itself. "Varric and Dorian, help Flissa!"

And I went straight for Minaeve.

Together, we were able to pull those three out from danger just in time. The fire reached the oil drums and caused an explosion that took all three buildings in the area down. We were already running, though, as fast as we could with the injured anyways.

Buildings burning, red Templars destroying everything, I was lucky I found Seggrett when I did. He was trapped in some of the quarters that had caught fire, and I had to step back and let Bull break the door down to get him out. We managed just in time, as the roof caved in just moments after we got him out and to safety.

On the run to the Chantry, I noticed that Threnn was in a sticky situation herself. Surrounded by red Templars, there was no way she would make it alone.

Since I was the only one not helping a wounded, I knew I had to be that help.

"Get those four into the Chantry!" I exclaimed, looking back at my companions with as much determination and certainty as I could muster up. If I looked sure of myself, they were less likely to argue. "Tell the Commander we're all that's left, and we'll be there shortly."

Bull took Minaeve from Varric and gestured towards me. "Someone should help."

Varric almost smiled. "Bianca's ready."

One shot from Varric took out one of the Templars who seemed to have just been corrupted by the red lyrium. I used my staff to create a chain of lightning that shocked every one of them, giving Threnn and Varric opportunity to take out a few stunned enemies.

But the red Templar horrors were a feat all on their own, and there were two.

Varric started unloading as quickly as he could while Threnn focused everything she had on them. Fireball after fireball just wasn't enough from me. They were still fighting and thrashing, trying to kill us all.

Like the first time, however, wearing them down seemed to do the trick. While on fire, Varric was able to get enough bolts into the one, and Threnn was able to stab the other enough where they fell.

The three of us didn't hesitate to run towards the Chantry, where a couple of straggling soldiers and a few refugees were waiting by the closed doors. At the sound of heavy knocking, the doors opened from the inside.

Who I saw standing by the open door was surprising.

Cole stood next to a very badly wounded Chancellor Roderick, who was using what little strength he had left to beckon people into the last safe place in Haven. "Move! The Chantry is your shelter."

I stood at the back, making sure everyone was inside, before rushing through the doors myself. Chancellor Roderick lost the ability to stand on his own, but Cole was able to catch him before he hit the ground. Soldiers closed the doors and held them shut, but I focused my attention on the wounded Chancellor Roderick.

We weren't on the greatest of terms. He despised me with all of his being, and he did whatever he could to stand in our way.

Still, seeing him like this worried me. No one needed to die.

"He tried to stop a Templar," Cole told me as he helped him over to a seat. "The blade went deep. He's going to die."

Chancellor Roderick looked horrified, though I think he believed as much to be true. "What a charming boy."

* * *

Cullen couldn't believe this was happening. So many scared people sat in the Chantry, the place that would become their grave, and there was nothing he could do.

They had fought so hard to get here, and they thought they had a much larger fight ahead. But they didn't. It was all going to end here.

Seeing the Herald as she helped Chancellor Roderick to a chair was relieving, until Cullen remembered that they were all going to die . . . including her.

If there was one person he could get out of here, he would want it to be her.

And now he had to talk to her, tell her of their unavoidable death. He had to look into those beautiful eyes, into that beautiful heart, and tell her that she was going to die—that they all were going to die.

"Herald, our position is not good," Cullen said, jogging towards her and using every bit of willpower inside of him to keep himself in his Commander mindset. "That dragon stole back any time you might have earned us."

"I've seen an archdemon," Cole murmured. "I was in the Fade, but it looked like that."

"I don't care what it looks like," Cullen said with much more anger in his voice than he intended. Hearing that there was an archdemon outside of the Chantry, which none of them could destroy, only made him more certain of their inevitable doom. There truly was no hope for them, for her. "It's cut a path for their army. They'll kill everyone in Haven!"

"The Elder One doesn't care about the village," Cole said, and Cullen was confused. "He only wants the Herald."

 _Of course he does._

The one person Cullen was desperate to save was the one person this monster was after.

"Then let him have me!" she exclaimed, and Cullen's heart shattered. She was desperate, looking at Cole with wide, broken eyes. "If it will save these people, I'll give myself to him."

"It won't," Cole said. "He wants to kill you. No one else matters, but he'll crush them, kill them anyway. I don't like him."

Hearing him say this angered Cullen. "You don't like—" But he remembered that Cole, strange as this boy was, had tried to help. He was only trying to help. "Herald, there are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide." _And it would kill us all._

The Herald understood what Cullen was saying, but like she usually did, she didn't accept this as an only option. Anything that harmed others could never be an only option, not in her mind. "That can't be the only option! Causing another slide would kill everyone in Haven."

"We're dying," Cullen breathed, and it broke his heart to see the way she crumbled. Those beautiful eyes lost all light, instantly, and it killed him. "We can choose how. Many don't get that choice."

"No!" she exclaimed, and she looked towards Cole, hoping for another strange answer. "That can't be it!"

When she looked, she saw Cole and Chancellor Roderick looking at each other, then towards the back of the Chantry. Cole's eyes seemed to light up, and upon seeing the strange boy find hope, the Herald did, too.

"Yes, that," Cole whispered, and he looked towards the Herald. "Chancellor Roderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies."

Cullen's heart swelled in his chest at just the _idea_. There _was_ a chance to save her? To save everyone?

"There is a path," the dying man shakily breathed out, and Cullen's attention instantly locked on the Chancellor. "You wouldn't know it unless you'd made the summer pilgrimage, as I have. The people can escape." The shaky man stood to his feet, clutching his stomach as he looked the Herald in the eyes. "She must have shown me—Andraste must have shown me so I could tell you."

The Herald almost smiled, despite how unlikely the circumstances were. A path of escape would mean a distraction, and Cullen knew the only distraction that would work . . . the only thing he _had_ to save. It wasn't the first time she was used as bait, but he would make sure it was the last.

She _would_ survive this.

"Cullen?"

Hearing her say his name, call him by his name . . . it warmed his heart and reminded him that he was the Commander of the Inquisition's army. He had a duty to save anyone and everyone here, and though that included her, he couldn't save _only_ her.

But she called him by name . . . .

"That might work, _if_ he shows us the path," Cullen said, and he took a step towards her, something she didn't mind. Actually, Cullen wondered if he saw her eyes light up a bit more, but it was probably a reflection of his own. Being near her . . . it was easy to forget everything else. "But what of your escape? You can't just sacrifice yourself."

"If that's what it takes."

Cullen reached out for her, grabbed ahold of her wrist before she could turn away. " _No_. You must surprise it and find a way. Sacrifice isn't an option."

"I am no longer required," she whispered, but she didn't have the willpower to pull her hand out of his grasps. She saw the way Cullen crumbled upon hearing what she said, but he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't mean to show his pain, but it was so strong . . . how could she think that? "The Breach is sealed, so if sacrificing myself is the only way to save them, so be it."

"Find a way," Cullen breathed. "You must. There are still rifts that only you can close. We still need you. I still—I still think you can find a way. Don't make sacrifice your first option."

Tearing himself away from her wasn't easy, but it had to be done. Cullen knew the longer they talked, the less likely their escape became. So he turned away from her and looked to the soldiers standing close to him.

"Inquisition! Follow Chancellor Roderick through the Chantry. Move!"

Cullen briefly heard Chancellor Roderick say something to her, something nice for the first time since they had met, but he was focused on getting people out.

The quicker they got out, the more likely she was to come out too.

Cullen turned back towards the Herald and noticed her surprise as a few soldiers ran past her, out the Chantry doors and towards the nightmare that awaited outside. "They'll load the trebuchets. Keep the Elder One's attention until we're above the tree line. I'll signal when we're there. If we're to have a chance—if _you_ are to have a chance—let that thing hear you."

 _Please . . . let it hear you._


	5. 04: Lost In Snow

Fighting past the Templars guarding the last remaining trebuchet wasn't easy. Each time we killed them and I began aiming it, more appeared. I tried to continue aiming while the people around me fought, but the Templars seemed to know it was me.

The one he was after . . . .

Was the Breach his doing? Was he angry that I had stopped it?

We managed, even when the largest corrupted Templar we had seen yet appeared, but we held our own. He kept coming after me, and at close range, I was pretty much defenseless, so it was hard to fight him off. With the help of my companions, however, we managed, and he fell.

And the trebuchet was in place.

I knew what would come next would be easier to escape alone, so I turned to the remaining soldiers and my friends. "You must follow the rest of the people up the mountain. Escape while you still can!"

"We're not leaving you, Boss!" the Iron Bull declared. "We fight with you."

"It wasn't a request," I said, and I pointed towards the others. "You must—"

The shrill of the archdemon from before cut me off, and my eyes immediately scanned the air for it. It was headed straight for us with little time to spare.

"Move!" I shouted. "Now!"

They all took off running, with me following behind them. I made it a point to stay in the back because I _was_ the target, and if he was going to aim for something, it would be me.

The blast from the archdemon destroyed most everything behind me, but somehow, the trebuchet remained. As if Andraste herself protected it . . . .

I fell to the ground and smacked my head against it much harder than I was used to, but lately, I had been roughed around a lot more than I was used to. My body was worn, and I hurt all over, but I _had_ to fight.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw everyone running. As I commanded.

They were going to be safe.

My head was throbbing, but I had to get back on my feet. The distraction hadn't lasted long enough, and I had to protect everyone.

Approaching from the right, I saw the monster up close, the one they called the Elder One. It was even more horrifying to see it now.

His body had twisted and grown around the armor he once wore. It resembled a type of armor for mages I had seen once.

Red lyrium covered his skull, and his skin was twisted and tied around it. Long fingers with nails as twisted as the rest of his body, I was frightened all over again.

This was the beast that hunted me?

I rose to my feet and took a step away from him, but before I could run, the archdemon blocked the only other means of escape.

"Enough!" he exclaimed, and he lifted his hands. I didn't know what it did exactly, but the ground beneath my feet shook. "Pretender! You toy with forces beyond your ken no more!"

There was a darkness in his voice that was almost haunting. He sounded beyond what an abomination might be, and he looked the part as well.

I could scarcely breathe as I stood face-to-face with the man who would destroy an entire village just to get to me. "Who are you? _What_ are you? Why would you do this?"

He almost smiled at my confusion but instead growled. "Mortals beg for truth they cannot have. It is beyond what you are, what I was. Know me. Know what you have pretended to be. Exalt the Elder One, the will that is Corypheus." He pointed one crooked finger at me and snarled. "You _will_ kneel."

Though the archdemon still stood behind me, I took a step away from him again. "No, we won't. We will never stop fighting you!"

"You'll resist. You'll always resist," he said, and though his voice was menacing, it was soft. "It matters not. I am here for the Anchor. The process of removing it begins now."

He lifted up a glowing red orb in one hand, and the other hand had the same red glow. When he pushed the empty hand towards me, I felt my mark spark.

And it burned. The pain I suddenly felt resonating through my arm reminded me of when I first got the mark, before it was stable. It felt like he was trying to rip my arm off, and I couldn't stop him.

"It is your fault, _Herald_ ," he spat, and he only started pulling harder. "You interrupted a ritual years in the planning, and instead of dying, you stole its purpose. I do not know how you survived, but what marks you as touched, what you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heavens."

He clenched his fists, and the pain got so bad I couldn't stand. My hand raised up on its own, burning as he worked to remove what he called "the Anchor." I didn't know if it was what he said or if it was something else entirely, but whatever he was doing to try and take it off was agonizing.

It hurt too much to make me numb, and I could no longer stand to hold it in the air. I fell onto my face and clenched my wrist, but the pain wouldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried to make it go away, I couldn't stop hurting.

"And you used the Anchor to undo my work. The gall!"

I let out a cry of rage, though the pain was great. I didn't want him to know I hurt, so I showed him the fierce side Cassandra insisted I show in battle. "What is this thing meant to do?"

"It is meant to bring certainty where there is none," he breathed. "For you, certainty that I would always come for it."

While I was immobilized on the ground, Corypheus took a few strides forward and yanked me off the ground. I wasn't a very tall person, but compared to the size of him, I looked even smaller. He held me up with one arm, with such little effort, and I realized just how tough this foe was.

"I once breached the Fade in the name of another, to serve the old gods of the Empire in person," he said, but his eyes were set on the mark. "I found only chaos and corruption, dead whispers. For a thousand years, I was confused. No more. I have gathered the will to return under no name but my own, to champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world. Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the gods, and it was empty."

With little effort, if any at all, Corypheus threw my small frame against the hard trebuchet, and if I thought I was tired and worn before, I was shown what worn really was. My bones all seemed to be broken inside my body, yet I could move. My left hand was the worst, however, as it still felt like he had been pulling my arm off.

I let out a grunt as my body crashed into the metal and wood, but I tried my best to appear more resilient than I actually was.

"The Anchor is permanent," he said, and he walked towards me with a gleam of rage in his eyes. "You have spoiled it with your stumbling."

I noticed a sword lying on the ground near me, and for just a moment, I felt relief. _Hope_. No, I was in no way trained to use a sword, but he didn't have to know that. If I could just hold out long enough for the people to get to safety, it didn't matter if I could actually win or not.

I grabbed it up and stood to my feet, holding onto the trebuchet behind me for balance only for a moment. As I looked back to the Elder One, I noticed him and his dragon approaching, and neither looked happy.

"So be it," Corypheus growled, and his pet archdemon did the same. "I will begin again, find another way to give the world the nation—and god—it requires."

In the distance, I saw a flaming arrow shoot towards the sky. That must've been the signal the Commander told me to look for, so I felt true relief.

No matter what happened to me now, the people were safe.

Corypheus was closer now, so close I wondered if he saw the arrow as well. He showed no signs of it, but only showed his rage. "And you. I will not suffer even an unknowing rival. You _must_ die."

I held the sword up and took a small step towards the lever that fired the trebuchet. Only slight, so it looked like I was standing ready to fight.

But that wasn't what I was doing at all.

"You expect me to fight," I said, and I almost smiled. "But that's not why I kept you talking. Enjoy your victory. Here's your prize!"

While confusion tore across the anger, I kicked the lever and fired the trebuchet into the mountain. One final avalanche to destroy everything, maybe even him—though that was unlikely. I took off running, hoping to find some means of escape, and the same kind of strange luck that put me in this place to begin with came to me again.

An underground shaft, probably used for mining or as a means of escape, had been busted open. It was just enough for me to jump into, barely escaping the avalanche as it ripped into Haven and destroyed everything.

My body was thrown against the banisters, smashed even more than what Corypheus had done to me, but now, I couldn't take it anymore.

It all went black from there.

Cullen was desperate to find her. Everyone had seen the way that creature held her up, threw her into the trebuchet. They saw the way she fought back and caused the avalanche, but the Elder One got away.

Did she? It was hard to say for sure. With the people out of danger, Cullen felt it was his duty to make sure.

Tents set up, campfires lit, the wounded tended to, Cullen knew it was time to set out for her. There was nothing more they could do at this point except _wait_ , so why wait? Why not bring her to them?

Cassandra reached out to grab his arm the moment he took a step. "Cullen, where are you going?"

"She hasn't returned," Cullen said, and despite how well he had tried to hide it before, he couldn't pretend he didn't care. He couldn't pretend any longer. "We must help her."

Cassandra's eyes tightened. "She's tough, Commander. She's survived much worse than an avalanche."

"Then where is she?" Cullen whispered, and though he didn't like to think of the worst outcome, it was all his mind could come up with.

Cassandra frowned. "Commander, what are you expecting to come of this? You are the leader of the Inquisition's army. She is the Herald of Andraste."

"Right now, the only thing I care about is making sure she's safe!" Cullen exclaimed, and he turned back to Cassandra with rage burning in his eyes like the fire beside them. "I don't care what might come, what will never come. We left her to die."

"She made a choice, and we respected that choice, Commander," Leliana said, something that surprised Cullen. He hadn't realized she and Josephine were now in the conversation, but it didn't matter who was around. At this point, he didn't care if his entire army surrounded them.

"But what if she needs us to find her?" Cullen asked. "It wasn't that far away. Finding her shouldn't be that hard."

"We have an army to watch over," Leliana said, her voice very stern as the man looked towards the snowy direction they came from. "This isn't about one person."

Cullen looked back to Leliana with tight eyes. "How do you propose we close the rest of the rifts? And what do we plan to do if this monster strikes again?"

"He is right," Cassandra sighed. "We must go look for her."

Cullen shook his head and turned away from the group. He tried not to feel disgust with them because they were right to be hesitant, but it sounded like such a bother to them. This woman, who had done _nothing wrong_ , had been treated so horribly from the beginning. Yet she willing risked everything to bring peace to the world.

And they couldn't find it in themselves to _want_ to find her? Even if the danger had passed, it didn't seem right. Cullen liked to think that obsession or not, he would want to find her. Any time a soldier went missing, he wanted to find them and bring them back, or at least have closure.

Sure, it was different this time, but the concept was the same. She was a part of the Inquisition, if not the biggest part of the Inquisition. It was only right that they _try_.

Cullen knew only one person here was capable of watching over an army, at least for a short time. He found the Iron Bull quickly, and what he saw surprised him.

The Bull looked _pissed_.

"We're going to look for her," Cullen told him.

"I'm in."

Cullen shook his head. "I need you to stay here, watch over everyone. Leliana will stay behind to help, but she may need your assistance. There are more people than you're used to, but it'll only be for a few hours."

Bull stood to his feet and let his eyes narrow. He had a lot of respect for Cullen; he thought he was a damn good commander. But he had to make sure.

"She made us leave," Bull said. "You know that, right?"

Cullen's teeth clenched, and he very quickly averted his eyes, to anything but the large Qunari. "I assumed that was what happened."

Bull could see how tense Cullen was at just the _idea_ that she was lost to them, so he got the answers he needed. "You'll find her, Commander. I don't think you'll give up until you do."

Cullen turned from Bull and tried to keep an impassive face, but the fear had set in. The worry had taken over, and a question haunted his mind.

 _Would_ he find her?

His feet stomped through the abundant snow, and his eyes tightened as he looked back to the rest of the group making the journey to find her. "Signal if we need to return."

But Bull knew he wouldn't signal.

Cullen's feet moved through the thickening snow faster than he thought possible. His armor usually slowed him down, but not this time. This time, he had to save her, and time was of the essence.

The Herald . . . he didn't even know her name, did he? No one did. All they knew was that she was the Herald of Andraste, and they didn't care to find out more.

Cullen cared, but names seemed so petty in the grand scheme of things.

Before he did anything, he removed the pauldrons around his armor, and then, he picked her up in his arms. It took a second to wrap his pauldrons around her nearly frozen body, but he took as much time as necessary to get her bundled up and pressed against his body.

Even if he was in armor, he had to give off _some_ kind of body heat.

When he turned back towards the rest of the search party, he was surprised to find Cassandra standing right beside him with one eyebrow raised. Cullen didn't acknowledge her in any way, and instead, he turned back towards the camp and continued to hold this beautiful angel close.

They could think whatever they wanted. Cullen just wanted her to be safe.

He hadn't let her safety stop him from doing what was best before, and he wouldn't start any time soon. Despite his obsession . . . his _feelings_ . . . he would always be able to let her go.

Right?


End file.
